this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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