Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize