i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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