he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
