toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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