I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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