do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize