at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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