Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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