like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
