Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
