i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
