I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
