i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
don't judge my taste in strippers
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
