Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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