I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
