OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
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I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
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no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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