i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
