dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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