Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
