stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
