Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Michael Bay diarrhea
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
