I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
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I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck