i think my tv is drunk
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
