What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
