Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
