Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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