seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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