so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
