why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
sarcasm needs its own font
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
