You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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