I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
