this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
