I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i think i just lost a toe
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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