Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
that is very illegal...i love you.
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