It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can you bring me the toilet please
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
