k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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