just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Panties = found
Randomize
