"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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