Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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