My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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