Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
