My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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