Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
