its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
