Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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