We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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