I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
now i know why i became what i already was.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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