get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
