I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
its liver damage thursday
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
