you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
