i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
