sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
