can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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