I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
