I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
