Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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