Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
