Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
