All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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