I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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