and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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