Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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