alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
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he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
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The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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