I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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