i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
