my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
