Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
