i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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