Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
